Breaking Barriers but Bound by Shame in the Untold Story of Ofra Haza
A Story Unfolding Across Timelines.
Recap from Previous Episodes
In this series,
and I explore Israeli music culture, with a special focus on Ofra Haza. Together, we follow the music lane into Israeli culture, inviting you to join our conversations and see where this journey takes us.Current Time.
Liat Portal: Kevin, in previous episodes, we talked about the musical journey and career of Ofra Haza, which started in the Yemenite Neighborhood, “Schunat Hatikva,” of South Tel Aviv and took her all the way to international success, including winning a Grammy Award and performing at the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony. We talked about her incredible achievements, groundbreaking milestones, breaking through barriers, and the huge recognition she received. She shattered every glass ceiling imaginable. We explored Ofra Haza, the talented musician and outstanding personality, but we still haven’t talked about Ofra Haza, the private person, and her personal life.
So What Happened? Why Isn't She Here Today?
Ofra Haza was born into a conservative and religious family that strictly preserved Judaism in the same way it had been practiced in Yemen for generations. Her parents, like the generation of grandparents and great-grandparents in my own family, were religious, but the children and grandchildren who were born and raised in Israel grew up secular. Ofra led a mostly secular lifestyle while maintaining the Jewish traditions she learned in her parents’ home.
Conservative communities and families tend to progress slowly while the world moves forward and evolves. These communities often struggle to embrace change or accept alternative lifestyles. Ofra was the youngest of nine siblings, all of whom grew up within the family mold of marriage and building a family, a dream she deeply cherished and wished for herself. However, life took her to heights of success that artists around the world could only dream of, and fortune was certainly on her side. Yet, despite her immense success, she remained single and never experienced a significant romantic relationship in her life.
Despite being single, she wasn’t lonely, lived life to its fullest, and gained memories we only hear of in movies or fairytales. This dream world never aligned with conservatives, which sometimes tends to be primitive traditions. At 35, the biological clock sped up its ticking, so the pressure was profound. On one hand, the pressure to get married at all costs from her immediate family was always there. On the other side, her dream of marrying Prince Charming and starting her own family became dominant. A mission that must be completed immediately. On top of that, the media and journalists kept pressuring her, constantly digging into her personal life and asking if she was dating anyone.
The naive girl was embarrassed every time she was asked about her relationship status and always answered shyly. It was a time when the first seeds of shame began to sprout visibly above the surface, and her close surroundings nurtured them lovingly, even strengthening them instead of uprooting them off at the root and recognizing them as weeds. The pressure kept building up over the years, turning into a burden that clouded all logic, common sense, and the ability to see reality clearly.
In 1996, at the age of 38, she met a man who would change her life forever. Ofra was convinced she had met her prince, especially given the absolute support of her entire family, who encouraged her to be in a relationship and marry at all costs. In reality, however, she encountered a shady man with a checkered past.
Rumors about his womanizing ways and his divorce from the mother of his children did not raise any red flags for her, particularly given the vastly different worlds they each came from. Ofra was an international star with high status in Israeli and global culture, yet she remained modest and reserved while he led a promiscuous lifestyle. The cultural and personal gap between them was immense.
At the same time, speculations arose about his professional past, significant debts he had accumulated from failed business ventures, and reports of lawsuits related to unpaid debts and financial obligations. In his eyes, she was easy prey that required no effort to win over, as her family had practically delivered her to him on a silver platter.
All red flags were raised, and the warning signs were clear to read. However, only one person expressed concern. The brave man was Bezalel Aloni, Ofra's manager. However, he was the only one courageously protecting her, smelling that something was fishy and wrong. Ofra's family, especially her sisters, were over the moon with joy. Finally, they had a reason to dress up, get their hair and makeup done, and take pictures with the celebrities who would attend the wedding.
As the youngest child, she looked at her aging parents and dreamed of them living to see her wedding day. Her constant desire to please those around her had always existed, overshadowing her own personal needs. Her close circle, her immediate family, pushed her to see marriage as a salvation from singlehood, sacrificing her as an innocent victim. The shame surrounding a life of singledom blinded them completely, and they lost their reason and judgment. They led her, step by step, toward her doom.
The shady man she met was cunning and won her heart by exploiting all her vulnerabilities. He wasted no time and proposed to her immediately. Within a year of meeting, they stood under the chuppah and married.
The first thing her husband did after the wedding was disconnect her from her longtime manager, Bezalel Aloni. Her new husband became her manager without any prior experience, while rumors circulated that this “successful businessman” was in massive debt. After all, when the goal is the money of the most successful musician in Israel who lived a modest life, the first thing to do is to cut the person in charge of her money.
Shortly after the big wedding, which was broadcast and photographed in every newspaper and media outlet in Israel, Ofra Haza disappeared. Her public appearances became less frequent, and she gradually faded from the spotlight. She attended only official ceremonies, from which she could not explain her absence.
Aloni, who was her whole world and considered her one of his children, wasn't there to protect her. He knew something was wrong but couldn't say what and couldn't oppose Ofra's decision as she was a grown-up woman.
Pandora's box was opened on February 12, 2000, when all Israeli newscasts reported that Ofra Haza was rushed into the hospital in severe condition and was hospitalized. The public, people who knew her, and even her family couldn't explain this drastic health condition to a vibrant, young, and talented woman who had always been healthy.
During her hospitalization, her family and the hospital spokesperson refused to provide further details about the circumstances of Haza's illness and denied any speculation. The sad fact was that she was rushed to the hospital in critical condition, where doctors couldn't help anymore, and she passed away 11 days later.
Haza's death shocked the Israeli nation. The singer, known for her dedication to privacy, suddenly became the focus of headlines in news broadcasts and newspapers, which were full of rumors about the circumstances of her death. A sudden death at the age of 42 doesn’t sound reasonable without a valid cause.
About four days after her passing, it was revealed that she had AIDS. The cause of death was complications caused by the treatment she received for the disease, which exacerbated her condition and caused her immune system to collapse.
AIDS may have conquered her body, but it was a shame that caused Ofra Haza’s death. The shame that first haunted her was the burden of not being married, of failing to meet society's expectations - a silent pressure that consumed her over time. The deeper, more devastating shame was the dread of admitting she had AIDS. She was so scared and embarrassed of anyone finding out that she hid her illness.
Only a small circle of doctors she trusted knew the truth. This made it challenging for her to receive the appropriate treatment in a small country like Israel without being exposed. The shame led her to receive treatment in hiding, in an unconventional way, and, as a result, she was rushed to the hospital too late when doctors could no longer do anything to save her as her immune system collapsed.
Haza's husband died about a year later from heart failure after using hard drugs, adding another layer to the mystery surrounding her death. For years, the public speculated about what happened. Haza's family claimed she contracted HIV from her husband, who refused to share his blood test results. His mother admitted he often "changed girlfriends," while Bezalel Aloni, Haza's longtime manager, said she had never been in a relationship with a man during the years he worked with her until her marriage.
In 2007, television reports revealed police testimony from Haza’s doctor. Blood tests showed her husband had contracted the virus 6–7 years earlier, while Haza contracted it around 2–4 years before her diagnosis. A 2002 article also reported that, five months before her death, Haza was pregnant but suffered a miscarriage.
Haza's family still resent her husband and his family and hold him accountable for her death. In practice, he did cause her death; however, they failed to see their accountability in pressuring her to marry him to conform to society's expectations.
The conservative and religious family made Ofra see only one possible future in which marriage is the ultimate goal in life. Her family never considered any alternative futures for her even though they knew she was different and had a unique life journey of success. They couldn't accept the way her life developed and acknowledged she didn't fit anymore into the small country she was born in.
Ofra Haza is the most prominent example of what it means to live according to a family's conservative tradition and society's expectations and do everything to align with them, even when it was clear that she didn't fit the template. Haza's family compelled her to embrace a traditional dream from a primitive perspective in a loving way instead of supporting her in finding new ways to start a family even without a husband.
Although co-parenting was in its early days in Israel, the concept of parental responsibility was known and introduced into British law as early as 1989 and has since been incorporated into the laws of other countries. IVF has gained massive popularity since it was first introduced in 1978. Israel is the fifth country in the world where IVF was performed, and the journalist and presenter Romi Neumark was the first child born in vitro fertilization in 1982.
Conservative and primitive ways often come together. Today, about 30 years after her mid-30s, it's common and even popular to co-parent or have children alone through IVF. It's even easier when one is financially stable, which makes the decision simple. However, no one could consider any of these options for Ofra back then.
Whoever claims not to have known about these options in the mid-90s, even though they existed in Israel for 15 years before Ofra got married, proves how ignorance and primitiveness manifest. Ofra Haza might still be alive today if she had been given the support and encouragement to live her own life without pleasing society and family expectations, no matter if they come with good intentions.
This extraordinary and groundbreaking woman's life and career were tragically cut short by shame fueled by her family's societal pressures. Family and friends of great talent should know better that extraordinary and talented people never fit templates. After all, their greatness comes from their unique talent, so why even expect them to be like everybody else?
Ofra Haza's story is more than just the life journey of a great musician. It is a lesson in acknowledging who we are and finding our way in life. It also teaches us to free ourselves from traditions that are not necessarily relevant to our lives today and to search for alternative ways that might work better for us.
Ofra needed someone to set her free from her own blockers and templates in her mind. In The Prince of Egypt movie, she was the lead singer in its theme song, "Deliver Us." Just as the Israelites prayed to God to free them from slavery, this song also represents the liberation of each of us from the beliefs that have enslaved us in our own lives.
I think Ofra needed this song more than anyone could have expected.
Deliver Us (Opening Song) | The Prince of Egypt
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Liat
In this journey, I weave together episodes from my life with the rich tapestry of Israeli culture through music, food, arts, entrepreneurship, and more. I write over the weekends and evenings and publish these episodes as they unfold, almost like a live performance.
Each episode is part of a set focused on a specific topic, though sometimes I release standalone episodes. A set is released over several days to make it easier for you to read during your busy workday. If one episode catches your attention, make sure to read the entire set to get the whole picture. Although these episodes are released in sets, you can read the entire newsletter from the beginning, as it flows smoothly, like music to your ears - or, in this case, your eyes.
Wow. So sad an ending for a promising young woman. Thanks for sharing this aspect of her life, even though it was a tough read. Some of the best decisions I have made in life were to set up boundaries with other people who were trying to control my behavior, even to the point of cutting them out of my life completely.